You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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