Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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