Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
