She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
