Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
