Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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