I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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