I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
