I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
