I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
