She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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