I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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