I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
