Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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