Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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