I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we made out on top of his cat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
