WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
