yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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