So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
