Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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