Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
