Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my being single is dangerous.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
