do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize