the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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