Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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