I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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