Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
