For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He better not be in your backpack
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
