whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
