A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
