the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
