I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
