Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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