i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
