mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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