Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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