the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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