carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
