What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
