so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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