mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
