also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
