i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
