i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
jump out the window naked night went bad
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