She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
