farters have to be the big spoon...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
