If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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