be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
