i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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