listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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