Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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