she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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