I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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