I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
