so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
