We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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