Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
