It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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