I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
