i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
