Jerry, you need to find god
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
