you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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