this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
