I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
