apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
