i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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