Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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