You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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