Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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