Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
